You Are Not Alone

In 2009, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave a talk in which he addressed "those who are alone or feel alone or, worse yet, feel abandoned." I have often read this talk. It's encouraging to me that it's a common enough feeling for faithful people that an apostle felt the need to speak about it to a vast global audience.

It reminds me of a Bible story that I only recently connected to this feeling. When Jesus had just been resurrected, he appeared to all his disciples -- all but one. 

Thomas wasn't there when Jesus visited the disciples the first time. I can only imagine what he must have felt upon meeting his friends, only to hear that Jesus had miraculously shown Himself again. Mingled with impossible hope, surely there must have been some indignation, maybe even some anger, that Christ had chosen the time when he was absent to visit the disciples. 

Part of me wonders if Thomas simply said that he didn't believe the Savior had come, not because he didn't believe Christ was capable of returning from the grave, but because he didn't believe that He would choose to leave him out. I can relate to how Thomas responds. "No way," he says, in effect. "I know Christ. I know He loves me. If He really were alive, there's no way He'd choose to disclude me from such an important event. So I don't believe it."

I've felt this way. There have been situations where I have experienced what seems to me to be needless pain and suffering. There have been moments where I've felt like a weed in a flower garden -- not belonging anywhere, not contributing anything, good for nothing but to be pulled out and thrown away. Unwanted, unloved, and forgotten. These feelings don't match at all with the certainty I have of Christ's love for me, and so I find myself in a predicament -- why, if I am loved by God, if He truly does care for me, would He choose to leave me out of experiences that could only be a blessing to me? Why would He visit others with blessings that I long to have for myself, and that I've lived my life in worthiness for and in anticipation of, and not reward my diligence and my faith with the same blessings? 

I believe the answer, or at least part of it, can be found in Thomas' continuing story. The Savior does return to the disciples again, this time when Thomas is with them. At this particular visit, He ministers to Thomas personally, inviting him by name to come unto Him and feel His love. Thomas is given a personal gift he desperately needed in a time when he may have felt most forsaken.

The lesson here is that when you are feeling abandoned by God, He will return blessings in greater measure to you than the ones you may have felt you lost or missed out on. Part of our problem, as mortals, is that we tend to think we know what we need, and so when we do not receive it, we're inclined to experience a lot of unpleasantness trying to reconcile ourselves to the things God understands better than we do. The good news is, God does know, and in His time, He will deliver an even more personally crafted blessing than the one we thought we needed. Indeed, He will come to you in a time when He can speak to you, personally, which will be a far more precious experience than any you devise for yourself. It can be hard to trust that these kinds of blessings are coming, but through faith in past experiences, we can endure and find joy in the waiting. And when the blessings do come, I believe they'll be sweeter for what we've experienced between the loss of our plan for our lives and the receiving of God's plan.

In conclusion, I believe that these experiences of loss, loneliness, abandonment, or betrayal are, in a sense, God providing us with an opportunity to speak with Him individually, so He can teach us in ways that will be most helpful and beneficial to us. Loneliness can free us of distractions and give us the chance to turn to God for peace. We have to choose to do this, but if we do, the blessings will be overwhelming.

I'm writing this from the middle of some intense wondering and some very personal, individual blessings that prove to me that God does know me, and even when I feel alone, I am not. I have lived through experiences like this before, and through each one God has taught me that He weeps with me, He rejoices with me, and even when I feel that I don't belong, He is preparing blessings beyond what I could imagine.

I testify that no matter how you're feeling right now, you can have peace in Christ. He loves you, and He will be with you through the joys and the sorrows. You are not alone, believe me. And believe Him, who promised that He would not leave us comfortless, but would come to us. He is your friend, He is always there, and He will never forsake you.