A Regular Life Update? What?
I feel like this is what people usually think I do when I tell them I write on a blog, when really, I usually just write what I'm thinking about.
And there's gonna be that in this post as well, but it's been like, two months since I posted on this blog. And I'm sure you've all been so concerned! Wondering if I'm okay! Wondering if I sustained brain damage and that's why I stopped writing!
Well, let me clarify: I am good. No life-threatening injuries have been sustained (yet or ideally ever, pray for me). I didn't drop off the face of the earth because I wasn't doing well.
Honestly, I wasn't sure what to write about after Europe. Maybe a little piece of me was even worried that none of you would like to hear my thoughts anymore, because they're not fancy Europe-inspired thoughts. But there have been some things going on in my life, and some thoughts I've been having, and I'd just like to share with you, in a random assortment that's probably not at ALL going to be in chronological order, what I've been up to.
One of the things I learned abroad was that a life where I'm not creating new things is not a life I want to live. I waste away and die without the stimulation that comes with getting creative juices flowing. I honestly don't understand how anyone lives without it (partially because a Principle of the Gospel of Em is that we are given creative inspiration by God, the Great Creator, and it's at times when we are creating beautiful, uplifting and inspiring things that we are able to feel closest to Him). That being said, here's my summer.
I think a significant thing that happened is that I helped plan a wedding this summer. I wasn't nearly as involved as I wish I was, because for 3 of the months preceding the wedding, I was in Europe. But it was really really really really really fun to consult with a couple and help them get a feel for their personal style. Also, they got to get married TWICE because they had both a temple ceremony in Utah and a ring ceremony in California, and thanks to a very generous groomsman, I got to go to BOTH WEDDINGS. Overall, it was a great experience to be able to dip my toes into the realm of wedding planning and get a feel for the overall work that goes into it, even if I didn't do THAT much.
Another thing that isn't a one-time event, but a consistent part of my life being the cool way that it is: There are a lot of opportunities to be creative, and they keep getting dropped in my lap. I don't feel that I've done anything to improve my ability to spot opportunities as they come, though. It's like, literally people on social media are like "hey, I need [insert skill or knowledge that I have/want to develop], please DM me with ANY information" and I'm just like....well, only a fool wouldn't pick up on that. I've been able to assist with a couple other friends who need help with wedding stuff, take a lot of really cool photos of really cool people, and learn what I want my personal style to be and how I want my life to turn out. As a result of this flood of new friends and experiences and information and inspiration, I feel really energized all the time. It's a great life.
I'm looking for new opportunities as well. I applied to the Disney College Program, which is a dream. My best friend did this awhile back, and it sounds like the perfect thing to help me learn to create beautiful experiences people will never forget. Additionally, I'm looking into starting some new creative projects; on the horizon, I see a breakthrough in men's fashion and possibly even an album. And I'm also learning to surround myself with people who are better than me at things I'm interested in, who I can learn from. I used to be intimidated by talent, but now I seek it out. In the words of someone who is definitely better than me at a lot of things I'd like to be good at, Rachael Hollis, "If you're the best person in the room, you're in the wrong room."
And finally, a spiritual update. It relates to everything I've already said, but it also is more of the "thoughts I've been having" side, rather than the "this is what's happening in my life" side.
I want to talk about risk, and failure.
If I've learned one thing over the last six months, it's that asking for what you want from people is a powerful thing. A lot of people are very scared to do this. But it's the only way to know anything for sure.
I have asked people to do things for me that they said they would do, and then they didn't. And I've asked people for things, and they've turned me down -- politely, or otherwise. I have asked -- begged, even -- God for things that I wanted desperately that I just did not get. Or that I did get to have or experience for a short time, which was almost harder. And then I went to Europe and I didn't speak the language and I didn't understand public transportation and I got lost and I had to figure out my cell phone, and it was a big mess, and a lot of the time when I would ask questions, I was brushed off or the person I asked was really trying their best to understand me, but just...couldn't.
Basically, I've learned that I am not always going to get everything I ask for, and for a while, that made me scared to ask for anything. (Especially up against a language barrier.)
This was a really good thing, though. Because I learned that what I'm most terrified of is the "what if". I'm more scared of wondering for the rest of my life what could have been if I'd only had the courage to ask. I'd rather get shut down than not know for sure. And I believe part of life is building up the courage to ask.
I had all these ideas in my head that it was wrong to ask God for things I really wanted, or that to get specific with God was somehow prideful. But it isn't. I believe God wants us to be as honest and as detailed with Him as possible, and I also think He will sometimes test us to see how much we really want what we've asked for.
This doesn't only apply to God. This applies to everything. I find it's most often something I have to do in my relationships with those I love. And trust me -- I HATE asking people to do things for me. I've always kind of attached my worth as a friend to the fact that I wasn't demanding. I didn't ask much of anyone. And I still don't feel like I'm a super demanding friend, but I'm definitely learning to be more assertive with my needs in order to enrich relationships that I care about. This is cool because it opens the door for the other person to do the same thing. If you're open and honest with your desires, you can build a better relationship with that person.
The only issue is, sometimes it's not "safe" to ask. Sometimes, the answer might be no. You might learn something that hurts. That being said, it's a risk we have to be willing to take -- because you could lose, you could fail, you could be wrong about what you wanted all along. But what if you're not? And what if you do know yourself well enough to ask for exactly what you need?
And it's also true, really it is, that when God says no, He's gearing up for a really big Yes.
In the past 6 months I have lost more of myself than I thought was possible; I have been told "no" more times than I care to admit. And yet last night, I went outside and looked up at the sky and an expansive warmth came over me. Steve Jobs said that oftentimes all the dots of your life connect, but you can only connect them backwards -- you can't really see how it's all going to come together in the end when you're still in the middle of the dots. And I felt that, last night on my back porch, talking to God. It was like I could see how my path was a direct line to where I wanted to go, and those things I thought I wanted so much would have just distracted me from getting here. Those parts of myself that I lost made way for a deeper sense of my own worth. I have learned to be content as I am, while still striving to be better every day. I have learned how to be happy independent of other people. I have learned what I really need. I have learned what is essential. And even though it took a lot of the hardest times of my life to get here, the view from the peak is worth the toughest parts of the climb.
I guess what I'm saying is, when you understand that God's "no" is a directional sign rather than a stop sign, you learn to be less afraid of asking. When you understand that everything that happens to you is meant to direct you onward to better things, you don't become immune to trials, but you're less afraid of them. When you can see the big picture, it makes the smaller moments easier.
My hope for everyone who reads this is that you'll find the courage to ask.
And there's gonna be that in this post as well, but it's been like, two months since I posted on this blog. And I'm sure you've all been so concerned! Wondering if I'm okay! Wondering if I sustained brain damage and that's why I stopped writing!
Well, let me clarify: I am good. No life-threatening injuries have been sustained (yet or ideally ever, pray for me). I didn't drop off the face of the earth because I wasn't doing well.
Honestly, I wasn't sure what to write about after Europe. Maybe a little piece of me was even worried that none of you would like to hear my thoughts anymore, because they're not fancy Europe-inspired thoughts. But there have been some things going on in my life, and some thoughts I've been having, and I'd just like to share with you, in a random assortment that's probably not at ALL going to be in chronological order, what I've been up to.
One of the things I learned abroad was that a life where I'm not creating new things is not a life I want to live. I waste away and die without the stimulation that comes with getting creative juices flowing. I honestly don't understand how anyone lives without it (partially because a Principle of the Gospel of Em is that we are given creative inspiration by God, the Great Creator, and it's at times when we are creating beautiful, uplifting and inspiring things that we are able to feel closest to Him). That being said, here's my summer.
I think a significant thing that happened is that I helped plan a wedding this summer. I wasn't nearly as involved as I wish I was, because for 3 of the months preceding the wedding, I was in Europe. But it was really really really really really fun to consult with a couple and help them get a feel for their personal style. Also, they got to get married TWICE because they had both a temple ceremony in Utah and a ring ceremony in California, and thanks to a very generous groomsman, I got to go to BOTH WEDDINGS. Overall, it was a great experience to be able to dip my toes into the realm of wedding planning and get a feel for the overall work that goes into it, even if I didn't do THAT much.
Another thing that isn't a one-time event, but a consistent part of my life being the cool way that it is: There are a lot of opportunities to be creative, and they keep getting dropped in my lap. I don't feel that I've done anything to improve my ability to spot opportunities as they come, though. It's like, literally people on social media are like "hey, I need [insert skill or knowledge that I have/want to develop], please DM me with ANY information" and I'm just like....well, only a fool wouldn't pick up on that. I've been able to assist with a couple other friends who need help with wedding stuff, take a lot of really cool photos of really cool people, and learn what I want my personal style to be and how I want my life to turn out. As a result of this flood of new friends and experiences and information and inspiration, I feel really energized all the time. It's a great life.
I'm looking for new opportunities as well. I applied to the Disney College Program, which is a dream. My best friend did this awhile back, and it sounds like the perfect thing to help me learn to create beautiful experiences people will never forget. Additionally, I'm looking into starting some new creative projects; on the horizon, I see a breakthrough in men's fashion and possibly even an album. And I'm also learning to surround myself with people who are better than me at things I'm interested in, who I can learn from. I used to be intimidated by talent, but now I seek it out. In the words of someone who is definitely better than me at a lot of things I'd like to be good at, Rachael Hollis, "If you're the best person in the room, you're in the wrong room."
And finally, a spiritual update. It relates to everything I've already said, but it also is more of the "thoughts I've been having" side, rather than the "this is what's happening in my life" side.
I want to talk about risk, and failure.
If I've learned one thing over the last six months, it's that asking for what you want from people is a powerful thing. A lot of people are very scared to do this. But it's the only way to know anything for sure.
I have asked people to do things for me that they said they would do, and then they didn't. And I've asked people for things, and they've turned me down -- politely, or otherwise. I have asked -- begged, even -- God for things that I wanted desperately that I just did not get. Or that I did get to have or experience for a short time, which was almost harder. And then I went to Europe and I didn't speak the language and I didn't understand public transportation and I got lost and I had to figure out my cell phone, and it was a big mess, and a lot of the time when I would ask questions, I was brushed off or the person I asked was really trying their best to understand me, but just...couldn't.
Basically, I've learned that I am not always going to get everything I ask for, and for a while, that made me scared to ask for anything. (Especially up against a language barrier.)
This was a really good thing, though. Because I learned that what I'm most terrified of is the "what if". I'm more scared of wondering for the rest of my life what could have been if I'd only had the courage to ask. I'd rather get shut down than not know for sure. And I believe part of life is building up the courage to ask.
I had all these ideas in my head that it was wrong to ask God for things I really wanted, or that to get specific with God was somehow prideful. But it isn't. I believe God wants us to be as honest and as detailed with Him as possible, and I also think He will sometimes test us to see how much we really want what we've asked for.
This doesn't only apply to God. This applies to everything. I find it's most often something I have to do in my relationships with those I love. And trust me -- I HATE asking people to do things for me. I've always kind of attached my worth as a friend to the fact that I wasn't demanding. I didn't ask much of anyone. And I still don't feel like I'm a super demanding friend, but I'm definitely learning to be more assertive with my needs in order to enrich relationships that I care about. This is cool because it opens the door for the other person to do the same thing. If you're open and honest with your desires, you can build a better relationship with that person.
The only issue is, sometimes it's not "safe" to ask. Sometimes, the answer might be no. You might learn something that hurts. That being said, it's a risk we have to be willing to take -- because you could lose, you could fail, you could be wrong about what you wanted all along. But what if you're not? And what if you do know yourself well enough to ask for exactly what you need?
And it's also true, really it is, that when God says no, He's gearing up for a really big Yes.
In the past 6 months I have lost more of myself than I thought was possible; I have been told "no" more times than I care to admit. And yet last night, I went outside and looked up at the sky and an expansive warmth came over me. Steve Jobs said that oftentimes all the dots of your life connect, but you can only connect them backwards -- you can't really see how it's all going to come together in the end when you're still in the middle of the dots. And I felt that, last night on my back porch, talking to God. It was like I could see how my path was a direct line to where I wanted to go, and those things I thought I wanted so much would have just distracted me from getting here. Those parts of myself that I lost made way for a deeper sense of my own worth. I have learned to be content as I am, while still striving to be better every day. I have learned how to be happy independent of other people. I have learned what I really need. I have learned what is essential. And even though it took a lot of the hardest times of my life to get here, the view from the peak is worth the toughest parts of the climb.
I guess what I'm saying is, when you understand that God's "no" is a directional sign rather than a stop sign, you learn to be less afraid of asking. When you understand that everything that happens to you is meant to direct you onward to better things, you don't become immune to trials, but you're less afraid of them. When you can see the big picture, it makes the smaller moments easier.
My hope for everyone who reads this is that you'll find the courage to ask.
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